This is the second part to the art of happiness. You can read part one here, or read part three here!

Extrinsic aspirations are something you want to step back from and really take a look at.

They require approval from other people and almost always end up in creating more stress than happiness.

However, there is a way to handle them, and your stress, to keep yourself happy.

So, below I break down each of the three major aspirations and show you how you turn them from negative to positive.

Money

“Anybody who says money doesn’t buy happiness should go talk to somebody living under a bridge, but anybody who says money buys happiness should go talk to Bill Gates.” – Daniel Gilbert, Ph. D.Click to Tweet

We all know that money does not make us happier. You know this on a conscious level. However, our more powerful unconscious makes us think differently. We are completely influenced by our culture and brainwashed into thinking that we need things like money and cars to be happy.

According to a scene in the movie Happy, our happiness has been steady over the past 60 years even though our income has risen significantly. With this increase in income comes bigger houses and nicer cars.

Now don’t get me wrong, money does affect happiness, but it only accounts for 12 percent of our overall happiness.

When money buys your next meal, or gets you out of homelessness it affects your happiness significantly. This is because your basic needs are met. But studies show that once this happens money doesn’t really make people any happier.

The difference in happiness of someone who makes $5,000 a year compared to someone who makes $50,000 per year is very high. However, the difference in happiness between someone who makes $50,000 and someone who makes $50,000,000 is very low. This is known as the hedonic treadmill.

According to the hedonic treadmill we adapt to whatever level of wealth we are at. Thus we always feel like we need more money, more clothes, more material goods. You never actually become happy because you are always chasing new things.

Hedonic adaptation is the enemy of happiness.

Image

“Tryna get girls from a brand? Man you hella won't.” – Macklemore

Does how we look really make us happier? Research says that it does not.

We are constantly exposed to the newest clothes, gadgets, and cars through the mainstream media.

Watch. Turn on the TV for a few minutes. I just did. First thing I saw was a commercial for the new 2014 Kia Cadenza. What did you see? Odds are it was an ad for some kind of new product that you “must have”.

The media makes us believe that we won’t fit in without the latest stuff or nicer clothes. And sure when we get something nice, say a nice pair of sneakers, we are happy. But what happens after a few weeks? They get a little dirty and they are just regular old sneakers to you now.

(I know this happens because I used to save up for the best pair of Nikes and try to keep them clean for as long as possible. Once they got dirty they were just as good as my old crappy sneakers and I’d feel like I needed a new pair.)

This goes back to the hedonic treadmill. We adapt to what we have, never getting rid of the “we want more, we want more!” feeling. I got my sneakers dirty and scuffed up and that made me feel like they were worthless when in reality they were perfectly fine sneakers, just a little messy. But did that stop me from dropping $150 on a new pair a few months later? Nope.

And that’s because I felt like I wouldn’t be as “cool” in the eyes of the other kids. What a moron I used to be.

Now I buy stuff that I like. I basically purchase only from only two or three different clothing brands and I’m satisfied with that. I like my $60 Sanuk’s better than any $150 pair of Nikes I’ve ever ever owned (and that’s a lot of pairs.) I like my Arbor t-shirts and I would never trade them for some $50-$60 t-shirt.

I’ve become happier with buying from brands that I like. It makes me happy to support them, especially when they are a little known as Arbor and Sanuk. More importantly it makes me happy to wear what I want no matter how I look in the eyes of other people.

Just listen to the song “Thrift Shop”. He explains that no one really cares what you wear or how much it costs you. I salute you Macklemore.

Status

“Have you ever lit up a bong at a party? Were you worried that one of your friends would snap a photo of you, sell it to a tabloid for thousands of dollars and ruin your career? Well become famous, and then try it.” – Jane Jones/David Wong of Cracked

According to a survey done by Pew Research Center 51% of 18-25 year olds said getting famous was the most or second most important life goal.

Crazy, right? Well, not really, because there is this perception that anyone can get famous. Look at all the reality TV shows or crazy things that go viral on YouTube. You can become famous by doing almost nothing.

Turns out fame is exactly like money and status. You want it, but as soon as you get there you are no happier.

If you have ever seen the documentary I Am, you know that Tom Shadyac , (who directed movies such as Ace Ventura, The Nutty Professor, and Bruce Almighty) shared his experience with fame and wealth. He tells how he felt empty and disconnected as a result. He shares that humans need social connection to feel fulfilled. Most importantly he felt that as his fame grew he became more unhappy.

Why?

When you become more well-known there are two different “you’s”. The “public you” and the “private you” and often times they are very different people. You wouldn’t treat the public like you would your best friend, right? Could you trust a million people like you could your closest friends? Probably not.

Soon you become dependent on people liking you. It’s hard to keep up the image to keep others happy, but it has to be done or people may not like you. If people don’t like you your career is ruined and you’ll be right back where you started. A nobody.

If famous people are so happy, why are they always running from the paparazzi?

Being your authentic self will keep you happy, even if it brings on fame. Then you deal with the fame, but your two “you’s” will be one “you”. And if people don’t like it, it won’t matter because fame wasn’t your ultimate goal.

Last thoughts...

We learned about extrinsic goals and why they don't really make us happy.

And, we learned how to deal with these goals and the stresses they bring us.

We're one step closer to happiness.

Be sure to share and comment on this post with your thoughts and ideas.

This is the second part to the art of happiness. You can read part one here, or read part three here!